An Annual Tradition

This was my attempt to point out that the May Day riots, far from being a threat to democracy, are in fact absolutely hilarious. They achieve fuck all of course, but they never fail to bring a smile to my face.




Well, today the May Day Riots commence in Ye Olde Londone Towne, the dreadful scenes of last year (which included the stomach churning sight of a McDonalds window being broken, as well as the heart rending image of the statue of Winston Churchill with a lump of turf on it's head) will be repeated in earnest. This sort of trouble will undoubtedly reflect badly on the authorities and also on the Anti-Capitalist and Anti-Globalisation organisations who bear the brunt of the blame for these demonstrations.

This all begs the following four questions;

1. Yeah
2. And
3. So
4. What?

Thus far, despite the best efforts of the Daily Mail to whip us up into a frenzy of fear and hatred toward these "unwashed ruffians" the great British public seem utterly underwhelmed by all of this. I'm so very tempted to say that this is because nobody really cares if London gets trashed (most people that I know would probably guiltily admit to a warm glow of satisfaction at the prospect, but then again I do live in the North...), but I suspect it is more because no-one really takes the May Day protesters particularly seriously, nor the prospect of the damage that they will caused.

And does anybody really know what in Gods name they're getting themselves so worked up about? I know that May Day is viewed as a Socialist event showing the solidarity of workers, hence the anti-capitalism. I also know that certain elements of the anti-capitalists view modern capitalism as being no better than medieval feudalism (or at least that's what Jello Biafra said on one of his spoken word albums anyway. I never claimed to be brilliantly informed...).

If I am to believe what I have read in certain reactionary sections of the media then I also know (for a fact) that there are protesters training in right-wing paramilitary camps in America before they jet off back to London (first class mind you; it appears that money should be no object to the successful anarchist). Furthermore, there shall be bombs aplenty as the protesters do their best to spread chaos and destruction amongst the lackeys of the state and the citizens who allow it to happen. The sword-wielding anarchist who shall surely cut fearsome figures shall aid them in this as they advance upon Trafalgar Square to face baton-wielding fascists in the black police uniforms.

There appears to be only one problem with the description of events in the above paragraph; it's palpably bollocks. Why would socialist/anarchist group use the facilities of the Nazi influenced American right? (candour compels me to answer "Same thing that made Germany and USSR become allies in the 30's" but I'll conveniently ignore that if you don't mind) As to the bombs and swords...well, it's a bit of a step up from kicking the windows of a fast food chain in isn't it? And these people are not stupid; they are representing causes such as dropping third world debt (otherwise known as the crazy and radical idea that perhaps it might be nice to allow developing nations to spend some of their money on themselves as opposed to giving it all to Europe and America. How selfish of these countries to want to have a sense of pride and dignity and not feel beholden to the west in the "Yes massah, you jus' keep takin' dat dere money" sort of way that the Mail just wishes it could say outright) and they're not going to do anything so stupid as to detract from that message.

Well, I'm certainly hoping that they won't anyway. I don't necessarily agree with all the protesters causes (lowering traffic congestion in cities, protesting against the food system and supermarket monopolies, a pagan celebration of spring, and various demonstrations on behalf of everything from Asylum seekers to the right to feed the pigeons) but I do agree quite strongly with the principle of peaceful protest for a number of reasons. One is that we have a democratic right to register our dislike of something as long as it is done in a non-violent manner. Two is that it is good that people will actually take it upon themselves to sacrifice their time to make others aware of important issues. Three is that it always winds up the powers that be, and that is of course funny.

I think the third justification is the most important.

Hopefully, the organized demonstrations will pass by without incident (and this is another thing that has been occupying my thoughts; just how does an anarchist group plan a demonstration? Is it some sort of mass spontaneity or telepathy that gets them all to gather in the right place at the right time? Or is the government lying to us and there are no demonstrations planned? Maybe this is all a government sponsored plot to put us in fear of anarchy and riots so that we will accept whatever laws they try to rush through in order to curb our civil liberties further still!! Maybe everything that we saw of last years riot was put together in a TV studio! Maybe I should get a job with a conspiracy theory publication as they would probably lap this shit up!). But chances are, they won't.

I think the blame for this is shared equally between the protesters who actually get involved in the violence, and the authorities themselves. After the huge build up to May Day (which rivals any of the hype provided by the Lennox Lewis fight) would anybody be surprised if a policeman overreacted to some slight sign of trouble, thus providing a flashpoint? Or if some little yob came to cause trouble because The Sun or The Star said that there would be fighting? I wouldn't, and as large groups of people are arguably the stupidest organism in the world, would anyone care to take up a bet that the trouble will spread? And what are the odds that many newspaper headlines will condemn the protesters and praise the efforts of the authorities to control the troublemakers? It's enough to half-convince someone that some of the slightly deranged sounding conspiracy theories may have more than a grain of truth in them.