Fake tits and Hunters

2 topics; one I don't much care about and one that I very much do. Oh, and with lots of swearing.



Well, after my comments about the army yesterday, the MOD has gifted me a subject today; free breast implants for female soldiers. This is by far and away the most fantastic and forward thinking idea that the modern army has ever conjured up. Firstly, it will help female soldiers become more widely accepted in the army; who but the most boring and crusty old general could object to a battalion of women between the ages of 16 and 25, blondes and brunettes both and every one at least 32C cup?

Secondly, in a week that has seen the first female applicant to the Royal Marine Commandos drop out of the training course, the introduction of free breast implants is a masterstroke of timing. After all, I'm given to believe that it is hard work lugging two bloody great bags of silicon around everywhere you go, so this can only improve the stamina and endurance of the average woman soldier! Coupled with the heavy kit that they need to carry around, I can foresee a time when women become the most respected soldiers in the British army in terms of carrying capacity.

Thirdly, this provides an unparalleled opportunity for providing female soldier extra protection for their torso in a combat situation. Breasts are conveniently placed to provide additional cover for heart and lungs. If implants were given some sort of Kevlar lining, then this would provide further armour in addition to the standard flak jacket and helmet. Female soldiers would be rendered almost impervious to a frontal attack!

Finally, when one considers the massively popular reaction to the last female solider to get her kit off in The Sun, one can quickly see how this new initiative could more than fund itself. If the army were to branch out into the modelling world or even softcore and hardcore pornography (I'm sure that there would be a market for women's army dorm videos....) then they'd easily be able to make up any defence budget cuts that are inflicted on them. More women would be recruited into the army, as they would be recognised as a source of income as well as valuable members of the military. Everyone's a winner!

Still, say what you like about the army but at least they have the right general idea about what guns should be used for (i.e. killing soldiers wearing a different coloured uniform to you) unlike the shower of bastards who make up Safari Club International. This bunch of unreconstructed fuckpigs (members including Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf, John boy Walton thinkalike Dan Quayle, and Dubya Snr) are currently lobbying the government of Botswana to lift the ban on the trophy hunting of Lions. Apparently, they think that a lion represents the ultimate kill, and that having a lion’s head on the wall marks them out as a true man. Well, certainly if I visited someone's home and found that they had a lions head nailed to their wall (and of course I'd have to check to see whether the mane was real; there are so few adult male lions left that hunters are having to kill immature males and weave false manes to their heads in order to make them look more impressive) then I would indeed have them marked out as something. I cannot but help think however that putting up a sign in their house stating "I am a massive cunt" would be cheaper and easier all round...

It would appear that these monstrous penis faced fuckheads (Oh, this isn't going to be a balanced argument by the way...) are paying £20,000 a time to kill a lion. This is of course excluding whatever money they hand over to hunt the fearsome giraffe, the deadly zebra, or the lethal gazelle. What is the problem with these people? Is this the only way that they can express their impotent rage and power, by murdering an animal on another continent? Is that what it takes to make them feel better about themselves? If so, could I perhaps recommend maybe...exercise 3 times a week? Maybe a healthier diet? Or a new hobby? Anything in fact that doesn't involve the wanton slaughter of a species fast becoming endangered, purely because it makes their sad underused corporate little dicks hard.

And improving the mystical power of the male genitals seems to be the driving force behind this utter barbarity. There are less than 200 Siberian tigers left in the world. The biggest and most magnificent cat in the world is about to wiped out (And I do accept that I anthromorphosize animals to a huge degree; this doesn't detract from my argument as there are plenty of reasons that we should stop butchering the worlds supply of fauna apart from the fact that I love animals). And why is this? Because about a billion people in the Far East believe that if they eat ground up tiger bones it might make their dick bigger and harder. HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF FUCKING VIAGRA YOU BUNCH OF TOTAL TOSSERS?!?!

And then they hide behind that old favourite line "It's a traditional remedy. It's a part our culture and has been since 3000BC." Okay, well now, here's a thing; until about 100BC, human sacrifice was a part of the culture of the inhabitants of the British Isles. Does that mean I should be fighting for my right to nail some poor bastard to a table and cut their heart out? We used to treat children as homunculi (miniature adults) and so had them working as chimney sweeps and as noose decorations if they were caught thieving, so should we revert to that as well?

We're supposedly a civilised race, and yet we continue to disprove that notion every time we annihilate another species. Not out of malice or the need for our own survival. We do it because it's fun for a privileged few, or because it fits in with outdated and obsolete schools of thought, or even out of sheer carelessness (you disagree with the final point? Check out the number of insect species that have been wiped out by building developments and encroachment into rainforests and then we'll talk further). In the UK we're doing our level best to ban fox hunting, couldn't we feasibly at least try to do the same for wildlife throughout the world? Am I being hopelessly idealistic? Probably, and that in itself is slightly depressing....